For stevie wonders eyes only

So, i havent used tumblr in a while. But be that as it may, it is the only place i can write down all my thoughts and not care who sees it, so here it goes.

These past few days have brought back so many memories, and feelings. Being in washington, being around my family. Being places, doing things that me and my grandpa used to do. Im emotionally and physically drained.

The night my mom came into my room crying at 3:00 in the morning changed my life. She sat by my bed and informed me that my grandpa had just passed away from a heart attack. Initally i could do nothing but comfort her, and think that this maybe a sick joke. But it couldnt be any more real. The next week i flew up to washington for the ceremony of my grandfathers passing. I arrived thursday, and the ceremony was saturday, (yesterday).

Ever since i got the news, i wasnt sure how to feel about it all. I couldnt cry for some reason. All i could do was think think think. And all i knew for sure was that i missed him. Everything felt so weird, it was like something important was missing from the whole washington experience, which in fact was the absence of grandpa bob. I was looking around the garage on my grandparenrs property and found so many things symbolic of my childhood here. Like a little daisy toy lever action rifle, which i held at my side at all times of the day whenever i would come to washington. I found myself still keeping that rifle close to me in the present. It wasnt till friday that i started to really feel the pain of my grandpa being here. Looking at the tree house we built together was one of the things that hurt the most. I’ve had some of my best childhood memories here. Most of them involving him.

So yesterday we got ready for the ceremony. We drove over to where it was taking place which was the yacht club. We took rides in the firefighter engines because the whole fire department helped put it all together. I mean, it was really their idea to do it. Its crazy the amount of people that took part in grandpas ceremony, and helping me grandma out and stuff. It made me really realize the legacy he left. As we pulled up to the yacht club, and pass the guards lining the driveway, it just hit me. I started to choke up immediately. But i fought back the tears as hard as i could. So we went in sat down and waited for the ceremony to start. In which i again almost began balling, but still i fought back the tears. The ceremony started and people read their stories, and said what they had to say. One of the best lines was from my uncle kens speech- “That anchor standing tall outside on the lawn is symbolic of bob. And when something that big falls, it hits hard.” That was the first tear drop for me, but again i fought it back. They had the bag pipes play at the end, and the folding of the flag. And finally, the had the last call. The last call was the last radio call over the firefighter radio to my grandpa which stated- “This is a last call for #403, bob larsen, rest in peace.” At that moment i knew he was gone and not coming back, and i just couldnt stop crying. It was by far the worst pain i have ever felt in my short life.

I try to be optomistic about it, and know that he loved us all and wouldnt want us to mourn over him, which is very much true. But man, it sucks so much. I miss him so, so much, and i just want him to come back.

Grandpa, i love you. And please may you rest in peace. I miss you terribly, we’ll take care of grandma, dont worry.

So i decided to go on tumblr for the first time in a while today. Its amazing how bored yearbook makes me….

pretty crazy lately but the fact that my girlfriend is here makes everything cool. she also has sparkly nails.